Silently Seduced: When Parents Make Their Children Partners

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Imposing a sixteen month jail term suspended for two years, Judge Ian Lawrie QC told the woman: "You've pleaded guilty to three offences of sexual activity with a child family member, that is your son. Now why did that phase in particular come to mind? Why the Cold War? Well, maybe unconsciously what I'm saying is that you need to wage a little Cold War of your own. If he is comfortable dressing in a way that makes him feel like he blends in, I think that is great. However, I want him to have the inner confidence to step out of the box if he wants. If he feels like wearing something, even though none of his peers are, I want him to feel like he can.

Gloucester Crown Court heard how the woman went along with the teenager's demands out of motherly love as she pleaded guilty to three charges of sexual activity with the boy. I am 58 and heartened to know other women my age are capable of these infatuations. I am currently suffering from one myself. He's a teacher of mine, who is about 10-15 years younger than me and the crush first occurred many years ago. When the lessons had run their course, it was forgotten and life went on as usual, but I recently resumed lessons with him. I expected to feel nothing given my older age and my relationships in the intervening years, but once again I am victim to all the symptoms you describe. I also saw sex as a guilty pleasure rather than a natural, expression of love. Something naughty and clandestine to get away with when nobody was looking. And I often saw relationships as just a vehicle for sex. Something to fit around the rest of my life.The 50-year-old woman, who cannot be named, was told by a judge she had "clearly breached her obligation as a mother" as she was handed the suspended sentence. We also talk about the future. Because of health problems, my mother worries about the days ahead. "I have so much living to do," she told me once. "I need to be there while my grandchildren grow up. I don't want to miss any of it."

What's wrong, are you well?" she asked. My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or surprise invitation is a sign of bad news. That does not excuse, and can never excuse, that you failed as a mother to observe as a mother the appropriate boundaries. Furthermore, when it all came to light, I learned that my parents and others in authority positions concurred that the incident had been, at least partially, my fault. I learned what kind of girl I was: I was a boundary-pusher, a rule-breaker, a girl who was always in trouble. This was what happened to girls like me. When the incident at camp somehow managed to make it to the gossip mill at my school, I immediately went from a girl who had never been kissed to a notorious slut.

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The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my mother, who had been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my 3 children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally. I believe your infatuation has arisen because the young man obviously has charm and the capacity to give you genuine attention; mid-life produces feelings of invisibility. You have not indulged in any shameful behaviour - you haven't revealed your feelings to your family and you mustn't.